Live Everything.

Live everything. 

I've been trying to practice this mindset for the last several months and honestly it can be a shockingly hard thing to do and do you know why?

Pride.

I would love to throw up a phony smile and a few laughs here and there to come off like I'm completely okay, but seriously what good does that do? I fool a couple of people maybe, but why? 

I have never seen the great need and goodness to be so authentic with my emotions, my heartbreak, my desires, or my questions until now. Each and everything I experience should be fully lived out because they deserve to be. I deserve it. If I'm angry one day, well then I'm going to be angry. If I'm sad another, then I'm going to be sad. Each of course should be done completely appropriately. Don't go carving nasty names into any cars or anything like that. Take your experiences seriously. Live them out authentically. All the hurt, anger, joys, questions, loves, mistakes are all apart of the life process. Each one is a stepping stone into the new seasons of your life and those should be loved and cherished. And yes, even the painful ones. 

There is such a sweet freedom we get to have in the Lord and I think part of that freedom is to live our lives exactly as they are because He loves us exactly where we are and places us there for a reason. 

Love the process. Love where you are at. Experience it. 


Here's a little quote by Rainer Maria Rilke that just has been a sweet reminder to myself the importance of living this out. 

"have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903

For The Times When Too Much Is On Your Mind.

Stop.

Take 3 deep breaths.

Close your eyes.

Say "Lord I know you are faithful and good."

Then say 10 things you are thankful for.

Start your day.

The Search for Closure.

I have three questions that have been on a constant repeat in my mind for the last month or so now.

Why did this happen?

What did everything before this mean?

What do I do now?

Constantly they replay themselves over and over again. And it just stinks. Can I say that? It's awful. Break ups, loss, heartbreaks all just stink. And we are left with these questions just constantly repeating themselves. I tend to think that if I have all these answers then maybe just maybe I'll have closure. Closure. We long for it as if it was a necessity. Our hearts ache for it, seeming to break and fear that without it, our hearts will always stay broken.

But why?

Well honestly...

I don't think we need it.

And I think that's okay.

I think rarely the Lord will ever give real answers to our questions in the way we expect them to come. We weep and hurt in the process, but maybe the true grace is being okay in the unknown. The 'whys' torture our souls. They feed off of fear, anxiety, and pain. They complicate the already complicated process of processing. If I really believe that the Lord is faithful and good then I have to know and be okay with resting not in a 'why', but in a 'why not'. And it's not because the Lord doesn't love me. Everything is always done because He does.

So instead of closure, I am resting in knowing His grace and love is enough.